Upon The Edge Of A Knife

I've decided to let this be the last entry I post on this blog,  as I don't really have a very exciting life in general; and the journey I had to discover myself is mostly over now. It hasn't been even a month since I arrived here in Arendal, yet it feels as if I never left. Old things remain the same, new things keep on surprising like they always have. As I've been away, changing so much, home is still exactly the same. It's safe.

Today is the day before my new adventure; interrail. I'm sure I've explained to everyone I know already, but interrail is backpacking in Europe by train. I'll be away for 22 days, and I'll see most of Europe. From Paris to Venice, from West to East, and so on. I'll be doing this with my two best friends, Elias and Jim. I couldn't have chosen a better team than us for this.

As a finishing paragraph I'd like to talk about my mind, however cheesy that might sound. One of the things I've noticed as I'm growing up is that all you need to do to have a more calm and happy mind, is to think. Or more meditate, if you'd like. Whenever something is wrong in my life (and someone to punch is out of reach) I sit down in a quiet environment and think. Let go of past, present and future, and focus my mind on life or other things. Within minutes I feel myself being lifted. It's such a great way to get to know yourself, and just taking a time out. Furthermore, it's been a joy writing here when I've had the time.

Home (not sick)

I've been home a couple of days now, and oh my god I feel great. Yesterday I had about 10 of my friends over for drinks and talking, and it was so amazing to see them again. I don't think I can even get close to express to them how much I love them (even after the drinks, haha). At the moment it's 6:30, and the damn jetlag has me up already; but fuck the jetlag. I'm up, and I'm blasting music while one of my best friends Henrik has occupied my bed making me sleep on the couch. I love him so much, so I don't care xD Yesterday he tucked me in on the couch and then he whispered "I'm taking your bed," and he gave me that typical Henrik smile. We broke two wine glasses yesterday. My mom didn't mind though, I suspect it's because I just got home, but I'm glad.

I've learned so incredibly much this year, and I've met so many amazing people. I'll remember some of them for the rest of my life. The lessons I've been taught, and the fun I've had; I couldn't appreciate it more. I'm gonna miss America, and all my friends there; but it was my time to go, and it felt more right than it ever did.

Furthermore, I've enjoyed falling back to my Norwegian habits. Especially having friends like I do. I wouldn't trade them for anything; they're the best friends anyone could have. It feels a bit strange being back to my normal time though. I always feel like all my friends should be sleeping 'cause it's day here. I'm starting to feel tired, so I'll end it here. I don't know how long I'll be keeping this blog up, as there aren't really any reasons for me to keep it up now that I'm home again. The journey is finished, now it's time to party and greet summer.

I Come Alive

I just came home from the last stop for The Used's tour, and oh my god I feel good. Concerts are the reason why I live. The people there are just like me, for just one night they wanna give up everything and just feel the music. Whether it be standing still listening, jumping up and down, or going crazy in the pit; it's just the best feeling in the world. I always find friends who I sing with, and dance around with. This one big black dude looked at me and was like "you wanna go up?" I answered "hell yeah," and he got some people and threw me up to crowd surf. I never feel more alive than when I'm at a concert just rocking out. It's like no one can ever take that away from me, and nothing will ever make more sense to me. Music truly is my life.

Furthemore, the Used has some crazy mosh pits haha. And the people were nice, and picked each other up like you should; not assholes who just fucking tries to kill you. They had two walls of death(if you don't know what WoD is, it's when the artist splits the crowd in the middle, and when the music kicks in you just run towards each other with all you've got and hope you don't die). That one punk on the other side of the wall who looked at me smiling like come get me... We ran for each other, and I'm proud to say, we fucked each other up, and it was great. I've lost my hearing temporarily, and it was worth it. Thank you the Used, for being so awesome.

Release the Kraken! 

Utøya

Hello, my name is Nicklas Høilund. I’m from a  relatively small town called Arendal 4 hours south of Oslo. I wanna start with saying that I’m really happy I got this opportunity. I’ve been carrying a lot of sorrow with this, and I think speaking about it will help get it off my heart.  The 22^nd of July 2011 was the day when the freedom of Norway was tested. It was a raining in Norway that day, my mother told me.

At the time of the attack I was in the Netherlands with some friends of mine there. My mom sent me a picture of the damage from the bomb, but I just couldn’t believe her. I was forced to believe when the shooting on utøya started. My eyes were glued to CNN in an apartment in the Netherlands, My eyes started to tear up, and I felt so weak. Being so far away from home during a time like this felt awful. I’ve never been so scared in my whole life. 

The weeks following the attack were full of sorrow. But sorrow was not what stood out to me. What I noticed was the way Norway got together. I’ve never felt as proud of my country as I did when I heard our prime minister give his speech, and the whole nation held hands showing love. I also feel the need to mention the brave people who heard the shots and went out in boats to save people who tried to swim to land. They saved so many lives, and didn’t stop even though they got shot at. In countries like Denmark and Sweden they were giving roses to honor the deceased.  And the whole world stood by our side as we showed Anders Breivik that you can hurt us, and you can bring us to our knees, but you can’t take away our love. Our love for our country, and our love for each and every person living in it. Whether it be a middle eastern man or a Caucasian woman. We all stand together with love, and no one could ever take that away from us.

Growing up in Norway, I’ve been taught that you should share what you have of wealth, and that you should do to others what you want them to do to you. I’ve been taught that violence should never be the answer. Even our police officers don’t carry around guns when patrolling. Because of all this, it was so incredibly hard to understand that a Norwegian man could do this. Especially to his own people. I think I speak on behalf of my fellow countrymen when I say that it felt like a giant dagger to the back.

He tried to kill the next generation of our labor party, to stop helping immigrants, and to stop liberal democracy to the extent we have in Norway. I’m happy to say that he failed, and that all he did was to bring more love for diversity and stronger opinions for liberal democracy. In April this year, about 40.000 people gathered at Oslo Tinghus to sing “children of the rainbow.” Which is a beautiful song about living together in peace. This was to prove a point. The point that what we stand for, can’t be changed by hate. Our answer to hate will always be love. I’d like to end this with a quote from our prime ministers speech about Utøya, that he gave two days after the incident.

"We are a small country, but we are a proud people.

Vi er et lite land, men vi er et stolt folk."

He said

And I think that’s never been more true than it is now

Thank you

Funny Or Die

There are now 13 days until I'm going home; it's time to count down. The closer I get, the more at peace with it I feel. Since the beginning I've loved this place so much, but it's always been clear to me that this is nowhere near being as good as home. Sorry America, but your politics and preps are too much for me to handle, I prefer Norwegian politics and sosser xD Anyways, I want to share some parts of what I wrote in my notebook the first days here in Portland, Oregon.

Day 1 30th of August 2011
I've been here in Portland for less than three hours, and I already feel like its home. I must admit that during the 29 hour long travel I've had my share of remorse and negative thoughts, but after coming here they were all swiped away. I'm veyr tired so I'm gonna sleep any minute. I can't wait for tomorrow, it's gonna be great living here.

Day 2 31st of August 2011
Today I woke up too early; about 6am, so I packed out properly. Now I'm waiting because I'm gonna shower, and I don't wanna wake everyone up. I think I'm gonna study a bit. I'll write more later today.

So it's now 5:15pm, and we've been quite around. We went to the school where I'll be attending. I'm gonna have guitar as a subject, epic!

I don't wanna write more of it, I hate writing something handwritten into the computer xD It's so funny how young I seem to myself, reading this. Anyways, I decided I'm gonna write my final grades on here. And before I do that I have to say, Wilson is a pretty good school, it's not like the shitty schools in other places. The reason for that is that I live in the whitest preppiest place in Portland it seems xD Our history teacher told us back in the day you weren't allowed to live here if you were black. My point is that people here strive for their grades, which meant that so did I have to.

I ended up with a B in history because I never had time to back up everything I said, because I didn't have any motivation as the grade in the end wouldn't matter.

In English I don't even know yet, as the teacher, Bob, never gives us our grades directly; not even now that I'm finished xD

In Spanish I got a B as I lacked some homework and only did okay on tests we had about the mayas and the  movies we've watched. My spanish has improved a lot though.

In guitar class I got an easy A. 95%!

In math I ended up with a B. Thank you Mr. Dorsey xD

My worst grade was a C, which is what I got in Chemistry as I turned in too little homework and too few labs. On the tests and quizes I got Bs and As though xD

So I ended up with decent grades I think. I could have gotten better, but the year didn't matter, so why would I. I think that was the hardest part, to find motivation when I knew it wouldn't matter anyways. I leave you with the funniest memes I saw yesterday.

"Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone. Try to make this life my own."

This one is the best one XD It's fucking hilarious. Poor dog. I think the middle part is from Taken, but I'm not sure. 

XD His look...

This creeps me the fuck out, but at the same time it's fucking funny as hell xD

Ik Weet Niet

I don't like to talk a lot about my plans, because I'm constantly trying to improve them in my own ways; which means they often change. Though I've found something now that I'm certain that I burn for, so I decided to write a bit about it, my plan. So around Christmas I had an epiphany, which made me think a lot, and I decided to focus on language. I'm currently set on spending three or four years of my life in the Netherlands, which I'm really exited about. I'm going to take this year again, which is why this will happen in two years. I'm going to spend a lot of time studying, and working to earn money so I don't have to work when I'm there. I will be studying sociology in Dutch, and I'll major/take my bachelors degree in exactly this. After that I'll take a masters, but I don't know where yet. And I'm now concerned with it yet as it's too far in the future for it to matter. After I get the masters I'll have enough studies to get an at least decent job with good pay within sociology. This however, is not my main plan. With the studies, the language skills, and the experience I will have by then, I think I'll try to get a job within the foreign department of Norway, and basically become an ambassador or just a diplomat. They take in between 15-25 in UD (foreign department) every year, with around 300-600 people applying. This is why I'm getting a steady job first, instead of focusing everything on this. I'm a pessimist, so I'll grow my future under me slowly instead of rushing into it, 'cause I'm sure if I did I'd lose everything.


UD looks at your experience, what kind of education you have (though the idea is that education doesn't matter much), and your attitude is important as well. With a masters in sociology I'll have a better chance. And with the fact that I'd take it in the Netherlands, in Dutch, will be a good perk as well. In addition to this, I've completed a year in the U.S. All of this will when (if) I've done it show how interested I am in culture and language. But this is far, far in the future. I'm more focused on taking it easy, and get settled with the fact that I change my mind often. I just want to have fun while doing everything, and travel now that I have time. I really hope I'll get the chance to go through with this dream, it would be amazing. I guess only the future will tell, and I can't wait to see it unravel in front of me. Oh wait, one of the most significant things, I almost forgot xD I'm currently looking at these cities to study in: Amsterdam (duuh), Utrecht, Rotterdam, and Tilburg. These are the four places that had the schools with the subjects I want to study, and they all seem pretty good. I've only been in Rotterdam and Amsterdam before. Or, more correct, I've been to Tilburg too, but not much.  So yeah that's it, I'll have a close look at the Netherlands this summer to look at the schools and to learn the language.

"Just look up to the stars, and believe who you are; 'cause it's quite allright, and so long goodbye."

Bacon soap, bacon toothpaste, and now bacon chocolate. Oh god take me home to Norway where we have good food and candy xD 

I was in Seattle this weekend, visited the music museum. Kurt has played this guitar 0_0 And I've seen it. Together with Hendrix stuff, and of course drums from Dave and Krist's bass.

  The mole I chose to call Lucky for it not being run over, even though it was running in circles xD

 I'm gonna miss you Lucky

Choose Your Fate

It's the 22nd of May now, and it just gets weirder and weirder the close it gets to June. I'm almost going home. I can still remember all the feelings I had when I first came here. I've changed so much, for the better without a doubt. But I've also tried to stay true to who I am, and where I'm from. I've never been more proud of my roots than I am now. I've never appreciated my family, my friends, and love more than I do now.

A funny thing to mention is that now, after 8 months or so, my English is getting worse. My Spanish and Dutch are both getting better though, as to make up for my lack of English and Norwegian speaking skills xD I'm really enjoying learning languages, and I hope it'll stay that way. I find it hard to imagine myself fluent in either language though, for some weird reason. Even though I'm getting better, fluency just seem so far away.

Some recent events that have been happening to me have been first of all that I got to see Escape the Fate some time ago, which was a very good night for me. Then the release of Diablo 3, which took away my social life for a week. It didn't disappoint at all, except for the server down time which seems to be all the time. I didn't mention it, but ever since the 1st of April I've been working out at least 3 times a week; and I think I'm finally starting to see a difference xD Could be in my head though, you never know. Finally the Norwegian national day just passed, it was the 17th of May. It was amazing! So much broken Norwegian, so many interesting Norwegian immigrants to talk to. There musth ave been around 100-200 maybe even more people in the parade! And of all people I got to hold up the flag in the front of the parade. The American flag, with a girl holding the Norwegian flag. The marching band from a local high school played Ja vi Elsker (yes we love) and I sang with all of my voice, so proud of my fedreland :) I've never felt such honor in my entire life I think.  Thanks to Sons of Norway, the Norse Hall, and of course my good friend Carl Paasche for introducing me and giving me the opportunity.

To end this entry, I'll talk a little about how I feel in general now. I look back to last year, and I see a little kid, not understanding much more than misery and corruption in the world. I see that I was an ignorant little prick, haha. I've come to know how to appreciate true love, and what not to take for granted. I'm so happy about this change  that I could choke. I'm not sure if I've been in this country too long, or too little; all I know is that I needed this. I needed it to live with purpose, I needed it to get motivation. And lastly, I needed it to become who I am. I can finally say that I have an identity, and that I'm proud of having the hopes and dreams I have.  About 23 days left in the city of roses, Portland.

Lol, I was looking for internet xD 

I snapped a terrible picture, but this guy looked exactly like Otto. He was the driver of the yellow school bus I was on for a field trip. It was hilarious xD He says he hears it all the time. Oh the resemblance...

We had a couple of weeks with it being sunny and between 20 and 35 degrees Celsius. It was amazing! Sitting outside with Kathryn in guitar class. 

So this is my 17' beast that I use to play Diablo. Isn't he beautiful? Look how small my macbook pro looks compared xD